Side note: I wrote this on LAST Saturday but didn’t get around to posting it until now!
Friday night started innocently enough, we (Lauren, my fiancé) picked up Melissa from her apartment that was slain so viciously by fire the night before (her bedroom ceiling collapsed onto her bed from the fire her neighbor started). I don’t know what I’d do if my little munchkin had been sleeping in that bed when it happened. I’d probably triple axel myself into depression! After picking her up we went to our friend Jason’s house. We did paper, rock, scissors to determine who was going to drive to the bar from Jason’s. Lauren lost, therefore making her the prime candidate to drive. SO, Jason drove, because that made more sense apparently. I’m sure Jason felt like such a pimp (going to the bar with four chicks), even though he told us he felt gay. Nonsense!
First lie of the night: I told an elderly woman that Jason was my brother. Not only was he my brother but he was also my twin. I don’t know why I did that (wasn’t really drunk), I guess mainly for my own amusement. I asked her to tell us who was the more attractive twin. She called me shallow. We left.
We proceeded to the next bar which made us all feel like we were at a wedding reception; the electric slide was playing and I’m sure somebody somewhere was doing the Macarena. On the way there I was eye raped by a woman who told me to shake my thang and that she wanted to do me. I don’t know why she felt compelled to say this. Perhaps it was because I was wearing purple? We found a table outside and sat down. We were joined by a monster of a man who begged to buy my bra. Yea, that’s right. He wanted to purchase the bra I was wearing for $40.oo claiming they needed it for a bachelor party (scavenger hunt??). I told him he needed to step it up. $60.00 for the bra and it was his. Why you ask? Well the bra cost $50.00 and if I’m selling some stranger my bra he should buy me a new one right? He declined my offer and tried to haggle with me. Doesn’t matter; he didn’t get my bra. I knew he wouldn’t pay $60.00 which means he wouldn’t have paid $100.00 (which is what I really would sell it for… that’s a $50.00 profit). By the way, I told him my name was Anna…
Other lies that ensued, but I really can’t remember full details because of the drank, were that my mother was black (I was called a racist because I didn’t want to talk to some man on a dark corner at 2 AM) and I had been married for two years and Melissa was a junior bridesmaid (she is now 17 ya’ll). I can only hope I have more interesting weekends coming my way…
I really want- I MEAN NEED- these Christian Louboutin leather pumps. Ever since New York, my feet have become accustomed to a type of abuse they never endured before. I would love nothing more than for these pumps to molest my tiny feet mercilessly.
This Fendi Pouchette is actually affordable (and when I say affordable I really mean I've spent more on a purse). I will most likely buy this in a couple weeks, the more I think about it...
